A prevalent thought I see within Christian dating communities (maybe it happens in others too, I don't know as I'm not active in other communities) is that attraction doesn't matter, all that matters is that someone loves Jesus & treats you well.
If it was true that all we need is someone nice, we would all be married because there is someone that is nice on every corner. But the truth is, those of us who are single are single for a reason, and that is because attraction matters.
I’ve taken the advice of dating coaches to “date whoever because he is nice” MANY times. MANY times I’ve found myself grimacing talking to him (due to his bad breath), hugging him (due to his dandruff flaking onto my shoulder and/or his body odor), & kissing him (due to not being physically attracted to him).
Ultimately, by the time I managed to muster up a tiny bit of attraction for him (usually by repeating to myself "but he's a nice guy Candace" over & over & over again like a daily mantra lol), HE ended it stating he wasn't attracted to ME, probably because his subconscious told him I wasn't really attracted to him but was trying to force myself to be so he rejected me for the very reason I wasn't really feeling it. After all, he never would've asked me out in the first place if he wasn't physically attracted to me so it didn't just suddenly change. This exact scenario has happened to me not once, not twice, but with three different guys I tried to force myself to be attracted to so I just will no longer do it. While I have discovered that 60% attraction can grow to 100% if the conversation is good, if it's anything less than that it's a no.
Yes, the Bible says God looks at the heart but man looks at the outside so should we, but the Bible ALSO says that God gives GOOD gifts - is it good to be repulsed by your spouse?
I believe that God is actually GOOD. I believe that He created us so very uniquely that beauty is literally in the eye of the beholder. I'm a strong believer that there is someone out there for everyone. Some guys I think are hot, other women think they’re unattractive. Some men I find unattractive, other women think are hot. For example, I'm not attracted to the type of men that look like they're on `roids, I like men that are fit but more on the slender side. I know other women that find Dad bods attractive.
If you're not getting dates from the apps the harsh reality is that who you are attracted to isn't attracted to you & there are simple things you can do to be more attractive to them. It starts with good hygiene, it ends with fitness & fashion. I’m not saying we all need to be super models to get a man or bodybuilders to get a woman. Some folks like big people, some folks like small people. Some folks like fashionable people, some folks like frumpy people. So become what you want to attract: If you want someone that smells & dresses nice, don’t show up frumpy & smelly on a date expecting it to work out. You too must also be someone that smells & dresses nice to attract someone that smells & dresses nice.
I decided that I must have not only spiritual & conversational chemistry but also physical. Additionally, it's actually SELFISH to marry someone you’re not attracted to.
Many years ago I had a friend who told me about her then fiance, “Well, he’s dumb & I’m not attracted to him, but I’m turning 29 in a few months & I want babies before I turn 30 so I’m marrying him.” I was appalled. Imagine if this man knew what the wife of his children says about him behind his back. Also consider the fact that she took away what this man deserves; a wife who looks at him & thinks he's the hottest, most intelligent man in the room, not a wife who constantly disrespects him behind his back. I'm sure he knows how she really feels about him because our subconscious ALWAYS tells us the truth. I'm sure he knows that beneath all the sugary sweet fake posts she makes on Facebook to make everyone think her marriage is perfect & she's madly in love with him that she only married him for his sperm.
If you're not attracting the people you find attractive, don't keep living in denial that there's nothing you need to change. Take an honest look in the mirror & do the simple things you can fix. If you don't know how, hire someone to help you write a better bio/take you shopping/create better dating photos for you. I offer all these services if you need them & even VIRTUALLY so you don't have to be local. :)
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